#CoffeeTalk

I love your style! And look to your blog not only for motivation but styling tips and weekend deals (which is not good for my budget lol). My best friend is getting married in France and I cannot seem to find any dresses, can you please help? The wedding will be in an outside venue and it’s in April. I’m 5’8 just for reference!

I’m not sure how fancy you’re wanting to be, but it’s in France so I’m assuming on the fancier side! Here are some “tall” options that I absolutely love!

Do you have any tips for first time home buyers? What was your experience like?

Buying a home didn’t feel like much of an experience to me at all, and I think I may be one of the only people to feel this way. We decided to start looking to buy a home around Thanksgiving, not sure if we were going to actually buy one or find another apartment or townhome to rent. By Christmas we’d found a model home that we were in LOVE with pretty closely to where we were already living and knew it felt like our “home” when we walked inside. We decided to build before New Years and had all of the finishes picked out in the design studio the first week of January. We LOVE our home, but when we walk in other model homes now we think “oh this would’ve been nice”. It can be like shopping for a wedding dress, the more you look, the more confused you get. I’m glad that we CHOSE it and settled on our decision. It was VERY simple for us, and from what I hear that’s not always the case. My brother in law was also our realtor, so I definitely trusted that it was all going to be taken care of appropriately and worked out smoothly. The only tip I have is to be financially prepared. The process seemed easy for us because when it came time to write checks for whatever reason, we could do so without having to hold off for any reason. My biggest advice for anyone, whether you’re looking to buy a house or not, is to save your money. It will help you sleep so much better at night, and when unexpected last minute expenses and higher closing costs than expected pop up, you can handle it.

You have me so motivated to get back into the gym! Please share some good, but affordable workout gear. I know if I feel cute, I’ll be more inclined to go.

I swear I used to be this way. Now I just roll into the gym in a wrinkled t-shirt and tights ready to sweat LOL! I personally prefer to invest in better “brands” like Nike and Adidas because they last, but placed like Forever 21 and Old Navy also have some really good options that won’t break the bank.

As a biracial woman, I’m curious if you’ve ever struggled with your identity.

I can’t say that I ever have. I’ve always felt very firmly that I understand who I was as a girl, and now who I am as a woman. We were taught at a very young age that we were mixed and would tell people when asked what we were, exactly what we were. “Black, white and Mexican”. I definitely identify with being a black woman. I feel like a black woman when I wake up, all day long, and when I go to sleep, but I often acknowledge my Latina side, which I’m also very proud of. I have habits, beliefs and ideas that are rooted in both cultures and so, I just feel like who I am – if that makes sense?

What’s the best way to approach your boss about a raise?

If you haven’t already, you should definitely read Lean In. Your approach unfortunately will differ depending on the sex of your boss. You can typically approach a female boss on a more honest and comfortable level, as opposed to a male where you have to be strategic and overly confident. Whether male or female, it would be ideal to approach your boss in a professional and prepared manner. Have a list of your accomplishments typed up and organized for both of you to review together. Let them know the reasoning for why you deserve a raise, and the reason can’t just be because you want more money. Being able to show them how you’ve performed the previous year, or reaffirming the fact that you do tasks in the position above you, for the same pay as the position that you’re in, may warrant a serious consideration in granting you that raise. I keep emails of feedback that I get from my VP’s and our clients and call them “wins”, so I can clearly communicate what those look like. Ask questions. Ask for a timeline on when they see a raise being able to happen. Ask if there’s anything else that you can be doing to earn the raise, if for any reason there’s something holding you back. And lastly, before your meeting, practice your “power pose“.

I could really use some of your solid advice in this season. I really admire you as a woman, boss babe and purpose driven individual. In this internet age I know typically what a person portrays on the internet is not who they really are majority of the time. I’ve been following you for a while now and I know that you are not one of those people. You are genuinely who you portray. Which is why I feel so comfortable asking you about this subject. I’ve honestly never been in an adult relationship and I hit 30 later this year. Being with someone for the sake of being able to say I had someone too hasn’t been a problem for me in about 5-6 years. I took an extended break from the situationships I found myself in to focus on myself and find out what loving myself looked like. My last dating situation made me feel extremely desperate and I promised myself I would never be that desperate for ‘love’ again. So I gave up having sex and until I winged myself off of birth control it wasn’t a issue. Now that my hormones are balancing back out sometimes those feelings of wanting a relationship return. I know I want to have a child one day but I also know I want a good man and a healthy relationship first. But having kids after 35 becomes difficult for women. Am I crazy for feeling this way again at almost 30 years old, the same way I felt in my younger 20s? Did all that time I took to work on myself mean nothing?

First, thank you so much for all the kind words! I know how much pressure us as women feel to have certain things accomplished by a certain time. I talked about this is a previous blog post “Don’t Waste Your Singleness“, but women so often spend allllll of their time alone longing for a relationship instead of enjoying that season. You’re certainly not crazy, but you deserve better than this kind of self-inflicted torture. You absolutely HAVE to take the focus off of finding love, and put it onto bettering yourself. Find new ways to enjoy yourself and your time. Get healthier. Try new recipes at home with a glass or two of wine while your favorite Pandora station plays. Read new books. Come up with a new budget and take time out to organize your finances to plan for bigger ways to enjoy your life. If you continue to lead your life with an underlying dying desire to find love, you will always be willing to jump off of a cliff at the slightest sign of it. That’s not fair to you. Be open to the idea of love, and understand that when God feels like you’ve learned what He’s trying to teach you, He will present it to you.

I wanted to ask about your top 3 things you’d recommend someone do on a solo trip to LA. I will be visiting for my bday 3/6-3/9. Of course, I also have to ask what to wear. I really want a shimmery jumpsuit or something for dinner. Can you help?

It’s been a few years since I’ve been to LA, so I’m sure so much has changed! If you’re interested in doing some touristy things, then of course check out the Hollywood Walk of Fame, the Santa Monica Pier, Venice Beach, and Rodeo Drive for sure. The Griffith Observatory has an amazing view and The Broad Museum has some of the really fun installations that you’ve likely seen on Instagram. Berri’s has the BEST lobster pizza and you should of course eat at STK for dinner one night. Here are some fancy jumpsuits as a dinner option –

What career advice would you give your 25 year old self?

At 25, be available. Be eager to learn, and eager to contribute. Say “yes” to things, even if you don’t know how to do them, then show them that you can learn to do them. I was super single and attended every event, happy hour, or meeting that I possibly could to show visibility and get familiar with my company and industry. Build a set of valuable skills and tlk to as many people as possible. Being personable and pleasant will get you far. Sometimes further than being knowledgeable. Don’t be afraid to take risks, and try your best to recognize good opportunities when they appear.

I’m starting a new job and looking for business casual work outfits. Help please!

H&M has some of the best work wear, especially if I’m wanting to keep it affordable. Express has 40% off this weekend, so now would be a good time to buy a few pairs of ankle pairs and a cardigan or two. I love shopping at J. Crew (who also has 40% off EVERYTHING this weekend!) and Banana Republic (who has 40% off almost everything), but only sale items!

These are all the questions I had time to get around to, sorry guys! I’ve already compiled some of this weeks questions on next weeks post. Please send yours over via DM or email. Have an amazing weekend!