I’ve been in three relationships my entire life. The first one being my high school sweetheart, who wasn’t a sweetheart at all. We were just two very young kids who did indeed love each other, but didn’t know how to do it properly. My next relationship three years later, although premature, was with who I thought was the one meant for me. Our relationship was magnetic from our first interaction. An unexplainable kind of chemistry that simply just fit and because of that I figured that’s how things should be when they’re meant to be. Because things felt so perfect, I loved him quickly and easily without hesitation and that wasn’t a mistake, but it also wasn’t enough to build a solid foundation that a relationship requires in order to last.
Before our relationship ended, I saw it coming but didn’t want to believe it to be true. As time went on his characteristics I hadn’t had the chance to familiarize myself with just yet had began to surface. All the while I was fighting it, I knew we wouldn’t remain. Not happily at least. If I “loved” this person, why was I miserable? I was stuck in a space where I loved someone dearly, but did not like who they were. I tried convincing myself we were experiencing a “rough patch” that all couples must hit and it was normal, until we hit a tipping point. When our relationship ended I was devastated – as I should’ve been, I loved him. But the fact of the matter is, there was so much I truly disliked about him.
I’m convinced that a genuine liking for someone is what breeds longevity. Love doesn’t take much logic or reasoning. When you love someone, you just do. And because we convince ourselves that we love people who aren’t good to or for us, we end up wanting to stick out relationships that aren’t healthy, beneficial or going anywhere. To truly like someone and what they’re about, is meaningful. I loved my ex before I even really knew him only to find out I didn’t like who he was or what he would bring out of me. Women especially seem to rush men by asking the “what are we doing?” question after a short while when in reality, you don’t even know if you like that man yet. I mean really like him and how he treats strangers, what his plans are for the future and how he reacts when he’s angry. Get to know who someone really is and determine if you even like them enough to be open to loving them.
The space in between those two relationships were a few years a piece, so naturally I dated; and with dating comes a lot of trial and error as well as a lot of enlightenment. Some of them made me face my flaws, while others highlighted the magic in me I didn’t always recognize. Some I pressed too quickly to turn into more and others had me looking for an escape. But if there was one thing that my last relationship had taught me, it was to make sure I liked someone before loving them.
Where I’m at in my life, like outweighs love. Actually, it’s easier to love someone than it is to like them. God tells us to love our neighbor, He doesn’t say we have to like them. You can love people from a distance. You can love your father you haven’t seen since you were a child or a friend who hurt you. Love doesn’t always require a relationship. But when it comes to liking someone, you want to be in their presence and share time with them. You care about everything that concerns them. You openly communicate with them to resolve misunderstandings with the same end goal in mind. It would be more of an accomplishment for me to be able to say I actually still like my husband after 10 years than to say I still love him. Like first, love last.
Amazing post.
Thank you Shauni! I appreciate the positive feedback <3
Girl, you have said a word today. Beautiful piece. Honest, intelligent and powerful. Amazing job!
Thanks so much for reading Bianca! Glad you enjoyed it xx
Mind opener!
I’m glad you think so Britney! <3
Love everything about this post
Thank you so much Casandra! I’m glad you liked it! xx
Yes, you said a word indeed! I have had to pump the breaks and get to know a man, really know him, before letting the feels take over and falling head-over-heels in love. It takes discipline to dial back emotions and you can’t rush that process of learning who someone really is. As you stated God calls us to love one another, so we should have loving hearts toward all people automatically. But liking someone takes time…how can you like what you don’t even know?
Also, I believe love and commitment go hand-in hand. When you say you love someone (that you’re in a relationship with) you should be asking yourself if you can really commit to them long term. Can you live with their good, bad and ugly sides?
I’ve done that to myself many times, only to be disappointed when things don’t work out when they were never meant to in the first place. I’m so much more interested in peaceful longevity than exciting short-term. Thank you for reading!
Court!! Please get out my head. This post came right on time and it actually was something I wanted to write about but didn’t want to give away the fact I’m no longer dating the person I was posting #datenights about. It is highly important to LIKE the person you’re dating or in a relationship with. You’re so right women do rush to ask “what are we” when in actuality title doesn’t mean anything if the story doesn’t match. I was into the guy I was interested in getting to know him but as time went on I was becoming turned off by his actions and his choices so I decided this wasn’t a good fit. Great post girl!
Hahaha I swear I was in about 75 women’s head with this post! So glad that you enjoyed reading it <3
Great post!!! I love this piece!
Thank you Sheila! xx
Truely enjoyed this post a fresh take on relationships indeed keep them coming Hunty
Thanks boo! A lightbulb went off in my head and I had to put share it with you all LOL so glad you liked it! <3
This is such a great post Courtney! Your insight hits the nail on the head and what would seem like common sense to us ladies… is not so common.
-avid reader
Cass 🙂
Thank you so much Cass! Believe me, it’s a lesson we all have to learn on our own when it’s time to. <3
Girl, this was a word! Someone close to me is going through a similar situation so I just shared this post with them. There’s definitely a distinction between loving and liking a person and having the discernment to know the difference and make adjustments as necessary is important to one’s emotional well-being. Thanks for writing and sharing!
PS: I’m a new reader/follower and you are BOMB! Appreciate your realness and perspective on most things.
Thank you so much An’Drea! I definitely appreciate knowing that you’re enjoying my posts. I hope you keep reading! <3