If you Look For Something, Should you Find it?

How often have we heard the phrase “if you look for something, you’re going to find it” when pertaining to relationships? I remember hearing it as a child from my mother and grandmother insinuating that if you seek an issue, you will undoubtedly find what you’re looking for. We’ve heard it so often that somehow it’s made its way into our cognizance as a justifiable fact so that if we do happen to “look and find”, we instantly take the blame and make it our own fault for looking in the first place. Can someone please point out to me exactly where that makes sense…?

I’m personally 100% against snooping. In fact, the thought of going through my significant others phone automatically makes me sick thanks to my first love who can take all the credit for my trauma. I avoid it on all accords, except for the occasional glance over to see who’s texting us (and don’t act like you don’t do it too). Now that I’m older, I think it’s completely unnecessary in a mature relationship and is one of the easiest ways to show insecurity. If you’re going to be with someone, I suggest it be someone you trust and if at any point you feel inclined to pry through their personal things, one out of two things is wrong – 1) you’re out of line and need to check yourself or 2) you have good reason to be going through your partners things, which in turn means you probably shouldn’t be with them anyway. But that’s not what I’m here to talk about.

While I would never suggest or condone that you go through your partners phone, laptop, Instagram DM’s, etcetera, it happens every day. Technology provides us with countless ways to communicate so that if your mate doesn’t answer the phone, you can check their activity on social networks, see if they’ve opened your snaps, or read your texts thanks to read receipts. I’ve heard of peoples indiscretions being exposed by linked iPad messages and photos that were saved to iCloud so it’s safe to say even if you don’t look, it might find you. Let’s say you run across it, or even search for it – and when you do, you find some things that you know for certain shouldn’t be there. The initial issue is always going to be that you looked through their things, unless you “find” and once you do, the issue then becomes what you’ve found. Those things are worthy of a conversation and that conversation could go many ways but when you’re dealing with someone that you shouldn’t be, I can bet their reaction will sound something like “if you look for something, you’re going to find it”. Nope, negative. Stop right there. Let me be the first to tell you, if for any reason you do decide to look – you shouldn’t find shit.

You mean to tell me that the unacceptable things that you found in their phone was the result of you looking for them? Hell no, because the fact remains that they were doing disrespectful things you had no business doing whether you would’ve decided to looked or not. Good thing you did, right? It seems as though the person who gets caught is always quick to flip the script like the other person was wrong for snooping, as if you didn’t just find information that is grounds for termination. Don’t ever let anyone take their wrongdoings and reflect it onto you for “looking” when the fact of the matter is, they’ve been “doing”.

A guilty person will always try their best to make the issue about you not respecting their privacy, all while completely ignoring how their actions have played a part in the problem. The fact of the matter is, being a snoop isn’t half as bad as being dishonest. Looking will never be a justification to find, regardless of what we’ve been programmed to expect. Whatever you’ve found, whether good or bad, consider it treasure – because it’s a direct reflection of exactly who you’re dealing with, just be certain that you’re prepared to deal with the consequences.