Growing up I had it good. My parents were divorced before I was one, but were both incredibly active in me and my sisters life so it didn’t phase us much. Realistically, the lifestyles between the two of my parents were quite different. On one side of town where we lived with my mother felt perfect to us. We lived in a majority minority town home community with a pool and would ride our bikes until it got dark out. Our fridge was full of all of the popsicles, pizza rolls and flavored sodas you could’ve dreamed of. We had our own rooms with all the toys imaginable, clear clock radios and telephones because those were so cool back then. My sister would fix our dinner and pack our lunch because our mom was always working.
On the other side of town, my dad lived in a 5 bedroom house in a predominately white neighborhood with a pool and jacuzzi in the backyard. We loved it, of course, but couldn’t see how significant the difference was until we were older. It wasn’t until I got my first job that I realized our fridge was always full because my mom had food stamps and my sister made us dinner because my mom was working two jobs to make sure we had everything we needed. I had what I thought was a normal childhood because each of my parents went out of their way to make us feel that it was. My mom made her struggle look painless.
I started working at 15 and never looked back. I’m sure my mom was relieved I was able to fund my own sneaker collection and put gas in the car she made sure I had before I turned 16. I worked full-time throughout college, because there was no other option. My father passed away my sophomore year and my mom just couldn’t afford to help. Granted, the opportunities I was receiving I was blessed to have, but that didn’t make life any less difficult. It was especially difficult when I was reminded that I was the minority. My friends didn’t have to work. They were enjoying their college experience with brand new foreign cars and no real responsibilities. They were making the deans list effortlessly every semester partying four nights a week. They didn’t have to budget, or wrap up projects after leaving work on a Wednesday. They had jobs lined up for them once they graduated while I juggled a job, five classes and an internship my last semester. I knew I was smart. I knew that I was capable, but I also knew I had to work three times as hard as others to be on the same page. I wasn’t ungrateful, but I was jealous. Why wasn’t I allotted those same privileges?
Everything that led up to me being where I currently am in life shaped my character in unimaginable ways. It allowed me to see the limitless opportunities that are available to each of us and how easy life can be if you play your cards right as well as how we can make the best out of situations that aren’t ideal. Those experiences matured me, taught me discipline, gave me tough skin and embedded the value of time into me. It made every “no” I ever heard easier to swallow than the next. I’m not frontin’ in these pictures, I worked for this y’all!
I think struggle is important, on some level mentally. There’s so much value in not being pampered. It creates the improvisation skills necessary to be unconditionally effective. Plus, you become more compassionate for those who are in worse positions once you’ve realized how good you’ve got it. I’m so thankful I wasn’t given everything, for that would’ve never amounted in me pushing my potential. Nothing that I do surprises me these days because I’ve been preparing for them before I even realized it. If life hasn’t been served to you with a silver spoon, consider yourself lucky. You’re far more prepared than those who have.
“I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little.” – Philippians 4:12
Side note: Thank you to all of you who have already completed this survey. Your responses are LOVE! If you haven’t already, please do!
Morning Courtney! I KNOW for a fact this message reached many of us avid readers this AM. As my bae J. Cole said “there’s beauty in the struggle, ugliness in the success”. And as we come to the end of the year there is a population of people that are burnt out from 2016’s obstacles and need this type of motivational post to understand everyone has struggles that you overcome. The potential inside each of us is so significant to unlocking great accomplishments. We just need to use that “key” we all have and open that door.
I also began your 90 day plan to get a head start on 2017 and making great strides in reaching some short term goals. (good lookin’ out!)
Your personal posts mean so much to us. We see your effortless beauty, great style, professional accomplishments, but it always refreshing to get your insight on challenges you have experienced and how they have molded you as a person/woman. Keep rockin’ it girl. You are FAR from finished.
– avid reader
Cassidy ! 🙂
Cassidy! This comment touched my heart, thank you! J. Cole is my bae too based off of intellectual purposes lol. In the survey I sent out on Friday, someone suggested I get more personal so this is me doing just that. It’s definitely my truth and I’m happy to share. Even happier that you appreciate what I have to say. Thank you for your continuous kind words boo! xx
Love, love, love this Courtney! Keep on doing your thang sisterfriend!!
Thanks so much Pat! That means so much coming from you! <3
Wow girl! Thank you for being open/vulnerable and sharing something so personal. This was a glaring reminder for me to be grateful for what God has provided for myself and my family. This is just the kick in the butt I need to keep me from being complacent. Keep being your authentic self, this is my favorite post to date! 🙂
Awww Funke thank you so much! That means a lot to me. Stay far away from complacency, you’re capable of great things baby doll. Don’t you forget it xx
I love how you are so open with your readers! You are straight forward and say it how it is! Which is a must nowadays! I love reading your posts! I can relate in so many ways and I am so grateful for that struggle! Keep on shining sista! You are amazing!
Sheila, I’m so happy to hear you’re enjoying these posts! I appreciate your kind words <3
Hi Courtney!
I really appreciate you posting this piece. My mom and dad were married up until her sudden passing my sophomore year of college. It took a huge toll on me because I am an only child, I relied on my parents for everything (except the things I wanted because I worked throughout school as well) and my mother was/is my best friend. Her death affected me in a big way and it was hard to get back into the swing of things. To this day I feel like if I would’ve worked harder and focused more my life would be a little bit different. Some days I feel like I’ve let her down and other days I feel like she’s proud but your posts (including this one) helps me realize that life happens and there are things we cannot control, but we must learn to appreciate the journey and the lesson because one day it’ll all make sense. Thank you for your words <3
Your comment made my eyes all watery. It’s really tough to deal with sudden loss, especially that of a parent. I remember telling myself shortly after my dad died that I’d be dead some day soon too. I could either make this life mine and live it full force, or sulk in the fact that his was over. I like to believe I’m making my dad proud. From following my dreams, to hiking mountains in Canada (he was super outdoorsy) and I’m sure your mom feels the same way about you. Your journey is far from over and it’s never too late to take a new turn. Today sounds like the perfect day. Get it girl! xx
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom! I’ll remember this every time I feel like giving up or if I feel like I’m not doing enough.
Thank you so much for this post. When I first read this post it made me feel so much better about how I was feeling about my own current college experience. After a rough week I came back to this post today and it was exactly what I needed to feel better and remember there is a bigger blessing coming from this struggle. Thank you for this post and this entire blog.
That’s without a doubt the truth. Struggle really builds you into the woman that you’ll need to be to dominate whatever position God plans to place you in. Trust me on this one. Looking back, I can’t remember how tired or broke I was and life is SO much better now! Keep at it, you will do great.