A couple of months ago I was having drinks after work with some girlfriends when we were approached by an older gentleman making small talk. He goes on to ask us what we do – me, working in PR, my friend working in the surgical field and my other friend working in nonprofits. Respectfully, he’s asks our ages and begins to pick our brains. We don’t mind the questions and all 3 of us are naturally confident in our answers. He then tells us something that sparks a debate…
“I feel sorry for women like y’all. Y’all are going to have a really hard time finding husbands…”
We all pause and look around at each other thinking “skkkurrrrr, hold on, huh?” And well, none of us are married, so we don’t really know how personally we should take that. As we ask him to elaborate, he goes on to tell us that he’s a business owner as well as a professor at a local university teaching entrepreneurship. He then says that when it comes to drive, the women in his class surpass the men by a longshot. That the women are more ambitious, more responsible, more involved and the majority of the men are overall pretty inadvertent about what their goals are and where they’re headed. He’s also telling us how generally, women are taking the necessary steps to ensure they stay on the right track to keep their lives in order and are in a great space by the time they reach 30, while men wing it until 30, look up and then try to figure out what they’ve been doing all this time and what they’re going to do next.
To my surprise, we were quick to defend the young men that we knew; naming off engineers, accountants and men pursuing their second and third degrees but we couldn’t acknowledge one end of the spectrum without recognizing the other. The man had a point – and as young, ambitious, intelligent, women in the dating world, we couldn’t honestly say that the engineers, educators or men with their heads on straight accounted for the majority. That can be a frightening reality. Are alpha females in trouble when it comes to the quality of men we have to choose from?
If we really examine it, statistically there are more women than men in the United States. And specifically in minority communities, the numbers of men deceased or in prison that make the pool even smaller. So what really are our chances of finding love? Not just a man, but a man who can mirror our credentials?
We all have these ideas of the things we’re looking for in the man we want to be with, aside from what we’re looking for physically. Whether it’s a college degree, no kids, God-fearing, or characteristics like support, leadership, integrity, and wisdom – I realize that I may not get every single thing I ask for and I’ve accepted that. However, I don’t believe in settling and women that work as hard as we do shouldn’t have to. As of late, I’m beginning to hear more and more about how successful women will be alone, never be married, and can’t keep men. I’m more than confident that women like us will be able to find our equals and I don’t suggest you lower your standards to find him.
Sure, we can all find a “someone” to be with, but we definitely don’t want to feel like we won’t find a fitting partner. Essentially we want someone who’s on the same playing field. Hopefully he’ll encompass a few things that you lack and be able to teach you a thing or two as well. I would never encourage you to dumb down your goals, dreams or plans in order to ensure you’ll find a man and I damn sure don’t want you scratching your non-negotiables off of your checklist because you feel that a woman like yourself, won’t find what she’s looking for. Don’t worry about how your ambition, job, or lifestyle will intimidate the men you’re meeting. The type of man that’s meant for you will step his game up to match your offer.
Contrary to what they say, influential women do get married – if we want to of course.