For those of you who know me, you’ll know that I’m a very independent thinker. I don’t want anyone telling me how to think, why I should be thinking that way, or why it’s the right thing to think. I’m very much so an Alpha female with an A-type personality, so I rarely budge. It has to make logical sense to me, in order for me to believe it. So it’s no surprise that some of the best advice I can offer to women who are complaining about how hopeless being single is, is to date often… Actually, as much as possible.
I was bothered by a conversation I had with a male friend, regarding how women who talk to multiple men are viewed as “hoes”. Not having sex with, not washing their clothes, or picking up their kids from school, just conversing and getting to know. It rubbed me the wrong way mainly because I’m a huge advocate for women doing whatever the hell they want to do, as long as they’re OK with their decisions. But also because women don’t need to be limited as to what they can do and how they can do it based on how anyone else will perceive them. Especially when most men deal with as many women as they’d like, on whichever level they’d like.
I see post circulate often about women who post pics while dating. “Now she’s talking to so and so?” “She just had a different boyfriend” How often are women criticized for being in too many relationships? I personally am a pretty private person however, there’s no reason why we should be made to feel like we should sit at home at not come out of hiding until we have an engagement ring to show off.
There’s a big misconception that if a woman is conversing with a man, that they’ve slept together – which makes a lot of women hesitant to talk to more than one man at a time, and a man hesitant to take women they’re not committed to seriously. We need to remove that idea that promiscuity and dating coincide, because realistically you can be doing one without having to do the other. That causes a huge disconnect. That’s like saying every time you exchange numbers with someone new, you have to cut off communication with everyone you had prior to them. It’s not realistic. Imagine how much time you’d be wasting spending 5 months getting to know a man that you decide you don’t want to pursue, all to end it and go back to square one with another bozo. If you’re single, available, and not committed to anyone, I advise you to explore your options. Go out with as many men as you want who are worth your time as often as you’d like until you find one who is a good enough fit to move forward with.
Have fun, go out, meet people! The point of dating and getting to know people is to determine whether or not you’ll connect with a person enough to want to pursue a relationship with them. Have conversations with them, beyond “wyd?” texts and what they like to do for fun. Pick their brains about what moves them, where they see themselves in five years, how they feel about things that might be important to you, because they may show you that you were wrong about what you thought you wanted all along. Dating different people is so essential to your personal growth. It may not always end in a Happily Ever After, but you will learn so many important things about yourself and what it is that you require in a significant other.
I’m not encouraging you to make men compete for your love, this isn’t the Olympics. On the other hand, I do want women to be comfortable looking freely until they find what is it that they desire in a partner without feeling as if they need to feel shamed or keep their actions under wraps. Go ahead and get to know as many men as you wish, so that you can hurry up and get to the one that’s meant for you. And I assure you, nothing about that makes you a hoe. Respect yourself, respect others, and lastly respect the commodity of time.
Now happy hunting, ladies! LOL