Last week I was texting with a friend venting about how I wasn’t included in something at work. Of course, without taking into account all of the factors that go into who needs to be included and why. Whether that be my age, my position, or my knowledge. Similarly, when it comes to my brand and blog, I can often take it personal when I see someone else on my timeline promoting the campaign I applied for and didn’t get, or working with a brand I really adore that has never reached out to me. Why was I not thought of? Why wasn’t I a good fit? Why wasn’t I chosen? To a certain capacity, we all want to be the exception – at work, in relationships, and in life.
I quickly and openly admitted that I do not like to not be included or to be overlooked in any capacity. I’m not ashamed to say that and acknowledging it as a flaw will only help me. Whether or not those expectations are realistic, is another story. If I dig a little deeper into WHY I feel that way, I believe a lot of it has to do with being the baby of the family and the second child.
Growing up in a typical African American household, whatever my sister wanted to do better have included me, or else it wasn’t happening. Was that fair to her? Not at all. No one wants their little sister tagging along to everything they do, just so that they can do it. Was it fair to me? Although I loved every minute of it, no. It gave me a sense of entitlement that I’d have to learn how to discern in my adulthood. It was so bad that my dad would buy me a gift on my sisters birthday, because he didn’t want me feeling left out. Those memories made for an amazing childhood, but as a woman, those same values can easily make us question our worth when we don’t get the promotion we were hoping for, the relationship we felt we deserved, or the invitation we really wanted, especially when we compare ourselves to whoever was so lucky to have it happen for them.
When good things happen for me, do I stop and ask myself how my wins are making someone else feel? Unfortunately, no. I attribute it to the hard work that I’ve been put it, the limits I’ve been willing to push and the amazing people who have believed in me enough to vouch for me. We don’t need to win everything. No one can win everything. If life was that simple, what would we learn? We don’t need to always be invited, or favored. There is a time for everything. If you do the work consistently, and remain persistent about what it is that you really want, a time will certainly come for you. If anything, being overlooked really just pushes me to find a way to work around whatever I view as a disadvantage. Whatever they fail to do for me, I will find a way to do for myself.
If you believe in the magic that you uniquely possess, you have to trust that others will notice it in you too. Your time will come, just like it’s come for others. Have an amazing week, boo’s!