I grew up saying I didn’t want kids. I was not one of those little girls who dreamed of motherhood or having a family and I kept that same energy well into adulthood. I just didn’t care for kids. I didn’t dislike them, I absolutely adore my nephews and the joy they’ve brought to my life. Yet the desire to have my own still wasn’t very strong.
I was hesitant to have kids for many selfish reasons. And rightfully so… I’ve taken into account how children would affect my sleep, my money, my freedom, my career, my relationship with my husband and my get-up-and-go schedule. Leading up to my pregnancy, my biggest fear has always been the actual childbirth, although I’ve witnessed my sister do it effortlessly multiple times. The idea of having to house a baby in my body for 9 months and have no other options of getting it out from inside of you other than to push or cut it out made me feel like I didn’t know if bearing a child was something I really wanted to do.
Nate and I got engaged when I was 27 after only dating for six months. We had a year and a half engagement and were married when I was 29. While I realized I wasn’t necessarily “young”, I still wanted to make sure that we had some time to ourselves to enjoy on our own before adding a baby to our family. We still had so much learning and exploring to do as a newly married couples and I wanted to dedicate time to nurturing our relationship so I wasn’t putting a hard deadline on when we would start a family.
So What Changed?
Being married to the right man changed the desire in my heart to start a family. Something about the way my thought process was working had shifted pretty naturally. A big part of that came from trusting that he’d be a great father, as he was a great husband, but also getting to witness how good he was with other kids. I grew a desire to share that with him and the desire eventually outweighed me not caring to have children.
I began talking about our future kids and what that would lookk like more often. I started paying attention to daycares and learning centers near our house and googling more information on topics of pregnancy and motherhood. I started spending more time browsing baby items while in Target or TJ Maxx, or saving more baby room inspo on Instagram. Even on vacations, I’d imagine us coming back to certain places with our babies. The idea of us with a family was a fuller idea of us than just being wife and husband.
I’m not afraid to admit that I’m selfish. I don’t like to share my money, my time, my sleep, my life, or my priorities. I had a decent understanding of the fact that motherhood would be the most selfless act of my life and knew that selfishness would need to be out of the way for a task of that depth.
I knew I was ready when I started considering babies into our future decisions. I was thinking about the best work schedule and what kind of flexibility I would need, schools and what I wanted our life to look like once we brought children into it. Seeing other women get pregnant and have babies started becoming more sentimental to me. I also started to make different financial decisions to be more comfortable with the idea of providing for a baby and naturally. I’d ordered a few books to get a better grasp on how to mentally, physically and spiritually go into the idea of motherhood and read them.
A vivid memory I have from February of last year, the month before our one year wedding anniversary, a week after my 30th birthday and also Black History Month…. I was walking through Target when I came across a onesie that said “Black History in the Making”. I picked it up without thinking twice and checked out. When I got home, I took it upstairs and hung it in the closet that would be our baby’s room and closed the door. That was completely out of my character yet in that moment, felt pretty natural.
A Mental Shift
Preparing to conceive a baby happened mentally for me first. There weren’t many things left that I felt like I still had a desire to do prior to having kids. I’d traveled, partied, woken up with enough hangovers to last my a lifetime, and had my fair share of adventures. Financially, we could very comfortably afford a baby and had no worries or concerns. Within our marriage, we had a great balance and a happy, healthy home that a baby would be lucky to be born into.
I imagined going from a woman who thought she’d never be ready for kids to actually desiring to be a mother being a much more difficult transition. It hasn’t been hard at all. After finding out I was carrying life my thoughts immediately changed to “what’s best for this baby?”, “what foods should I be eating?”, “what can I do now to create the best life for this baby in just a short few months?”. I just knew. I am so excited to embark on this journey and can’t wait to add this baby to our family.