Since I was a child I’ve had the same characteristics, confident, demanding, witty, persuasive – a dominant personality for sure. I figured out how to get the things I wanted a long time ago and my mom will vouch for that. I had a vision for how I wanted my life to be, and that’s always included the kind of woman that I wanted to be. Throughout the years, the journey has been figuring out how to exactly be that woman. Without a doubt, the more I experienced outside of what I already knew, my general idea of what characteristics an Alpha Female possessed was certainly altered. For whatever reason while growing up, I assumed that powerful women had to be harsh as a security net insuring that she wouldn’t be taken advantage of. The fact that I grew up in a not-so-nice neighborhood may have played a part in that. I was surrounded by women who were single mothers and had experienced pretty rough lives, many living below the poverty line. I figured a woman had to be challenging and cold in order to be taken seriously and get the things that she wanted. How I viewed what I was experiencing then would’ve been digested much differently as a 26 year old, but it made sense to my 13 year old self. For a lot of women who don’t know any better, it’s easy to think a nasty attitude exudes self-certainty and that couldn’t be further from the truth.
For quite a while, I felt it necessary to speak loudly to get my point across. My words had to be malicious enough to get a reaction in order for me to feel as if my opinion had resonated. I had to make it such a point to let everyone know I wasn’t taking any shit before it was even warranted. A defense mechanism that isn’t effective. I was doing more harm than help. I wanted to win, not to connect. I wanted to be right, not understood. Paranoid women are so fearful of being offended they tend to overreact in such a way that they end up offending themselves. Not only was I wasting energy, I wasn’t exuding the energy I wanted in return . Luckily, as I learned more, reflected more; I grew more.
Over time I realized how off-putting mean women are, through my own actions and through observing others. They’re intimidating, and not the intriguing kind – the “run away, I don’t want to deal with her” kind. Don’t mistake your rude cockiness for self-assurance because everyone can see the difference, except for you. You can believe yourself to be a valuable woman and act accordingly, or you can spend your time trying to convince people that you are. When you believe it to be true about yourself, there won’t be a need to tell anyone because they’ll recognize it.
I myself have had to turn my attitude down and make an effort to polish my own rough edges. I had to learn to deliver my sentiments in a much different manner than I originally thought was necessary. There is so much power in being a gentle woman, having quiet control over your life. You don’t have to be vulgar or loud to prove your point. Once you acknowledge how powerful your words are, you will begin to choose them more wisely. Not everything requires a response, there’s great depth in silence.
When you’re secure with the woman that you are, you’ll realize that your approach is much more effective when it comes from a place of love and confidence, as opposed to a source of insecurity or doubt. Be sincere with your words. Women can be stern, yet kind; certain yet soft. I would never advise you to not defend your feelings and ideas, but watch the root of your approach. Contrary to what they say, nice girls can finish first.