I was scrolling down my Facebook feed before bed (a useless guilty please of mine) and stumbled across a video clip of Kevin Gates being interviewed. Now Kevin Gates is without a doubt a product of his environment, but he’s also proven to be very aware of societal issues as well as seemingly intelligent. He recently married his longtime girlfriend Dreka, who also mothered two of his children before they tied the knot. Sounds fantastic right? A true happily ever after where a woman in waiting finally becomes a bride as they begin a journey to live their lives as a family.
Negative. The interviewer asked Kevin what he loved about his wife and he proudly expressed that it was her loyalty he cherished. He then explained how she has stood by his side through all of his ups and downs, mistakes, indiscretions and infidelities which is why he felt like she was worthy of being his bride. But when the interviewer asked Gates what his new wife had done wrong throughout all the years, his reply was “she never has”. And once he said that, I was done watching. Let me get this straight – you’re saying that you’ve repeatedly mistreated the woman you chose to marry but she did nothing to deserve it and has never once done any wrong to you?
One of the main issues in unhealthy relationships is how loyalty is hung over a woman’s head. Nearly dangled in her face like bait, because it’s something we so badly want to be labeled as. The word loyalty has been praised and put on a pedestal, where if you can be it, you’re well on your way to reaping everything that you deserve in a relationship. Weather the storm, be patient, because after they’re done messing up they’re going to cherish you for being so loyal. L-O-L, you’re kidding right?
So many of us are willing to prove our loyalty to people who aren’t loyal to us. People are not perfect, I’m one of them. But people will also make mistake after mistake and expect it to not affect your behavior towards them because if you decide you aren’t willing to tolerate it, you’re not “loyal”. Too often loyalty is held over people’s heads to guilt trip them into putting up with things they shouldn’t be dealing with.
Loyalty is a characteristic that people encompass and either choose to be it, or not. It’s not a prize that you earn after someone has taken you through hell and back and you’ve decided to stick with them. It’s not a title that you gain. I’m not here to tell you what you should be willing to put up with in order to make your relationship work. What I am saying is, don’t let anyone deceive you into stomaching what you know you don’t deserve all to be labeled as loyal.
After all, who better to be loyal to than you?
I LOVE THIS 235 TIMES!!!!! LOL!!!
GREAT POST!!!!
Lol! I could definitely imagine you saying this! Thank you for reading Naomi, so glad you liked it. Xx
I agree with this post 10000000%. I DONT EVER WANT TO BE SOMEONES WIFE JUST BECAUSE I WAS LOYAL. Though I’ll admit, I’m guilty of being loyal to someone just so they would love me and hoped of them being faithful one day (I know I know silly LOL). To think that I was not even loyal to myself or my goals I snapped out of it eventually. Thanks for your inspiration and relatable topics!
Anytime doll and thank you for reading. We all have to learn the lesson for ourselves and once we know better, we definitely do better. Xx
I agree with your post but there is a loyalty that partners need to have for each other that doesn’t have to do with infidelity. You can be loyal to your partner when they are going through a hard time within their career or struggling with family issues. I think this type of loyalty is a great thing to have within a relationship because if you are with a person and they have a struggling point it test how rooted in the relationship you are. If at the first site of a struggle or a bad time you up and leave then it shows that you aren’t strong enough to support your partner, you are simply there for a reason.
I completely agree!
I definitely agree. You can’t run when things get hard, but you should run when the person you’re fighting to be loyal to can’t reciprocate that LOL. I tell people all the time – you can lose your job, we’ll figure it out; you can lose a leg, no problem. But cheat on me? You gotta go!
Thanks for reading and always having something insightful to add to these posts Shauni!
Yes cheating and degrading me is a no go — def. will hand the walking papers on those! I love reading your blog — it’s good to have a diverse conversation with women that have something meaningful to say.
People will only do what you allow them to do.
It took me a two bad break-ups to realize how true this is. I had the mindset just like you mentioned — believing and hoping that my loyalty would make him realize that he should treat and love me better. That he’d realize how much I loved him.
And then I woke up.
And my soul was just and completely over it!
I have never looked back. So yes, I learned this lesson twice, because the first time I guess I wasn’t paying close enough attention.. and lessons will repeat themselves until they are learned. But if I see that my loyalty is being undervalued and I’m being taken advantage of and disrespected because of it, you can get these deuces. Straight. Up.
The thing is, most women are loyal and are willing to fight to prove to the men we love that we are what they need. We have to be more loyal to ourselves in order to show people how to love us. Lessons indeed do repeat themselves until we learn them. All great points love.
Thanks for reading! Xx