I was scrolling down my Facebook feed before bed (a useless guilty please of mine) and stumbled across a video clip of Kevin Gates being interviewed. Now Kevin Gates is without a doubt a product of his environment, but he’s also proven to be very aware of societal issues as well as seemingly intelligent. He recently married his longtime girlfriend Dreka, who also mothered two of his children before they tied the knot. Sounds fantastic right? A true happily ever after where a woman in waiting finally becomes a bride as they begin a journey to live their lives as a family.
Negative. The interviewer asked Kevin what he loved about his wife and he proudly expressed that it was her loyalty he cherished. He then explained how she has stood by his side through all of his ups and downs, mistakes, indiscretions and infidelities which is why he felt like she was worthy of being his bride. But when the interviewer asked Gates what his new wife had done wrong throughout all the years, his reply was “she never has”. And once he said that, I was done watching. Let me get this straight – you’re saying that you’ve repeatedly mistreated the woman you chose to marry but she did nothing to deserve it and has never once done any wrong to you?
One of the main issues in unhealthy relationships is how loyalty is hung over a woman’s head. Nearly dangled in her face like bait, because it’s something we so badly want to be labeled as. The word loyalty has been praised and put on a pedestal, where if you can be it, you’re well on your way to reaping everything that you deserve in a relationship. Weather the storm, be patient, because after they’re done messing up they’re going to cherish you for being so loyal. L-O-L, you’re kidding right?
So many of us are willing to prove our loyalty to people who aren’t loyal to us. People are not perfect, I’m one of them. But people will also make mistake after mistake and expect it to not affect your behavior towards them because if you decide you aren’t willing to tolerate it, you’re not “loyal”. Too often loyalty is held over people’s heads to guilt trip them into putting up with things they shouldn’t be dealing with.
Loyalty is a characteristic that people encompass and either choose to be it, or not. It’s not a prize that you earn after someone has taken you through hell and back and you’ve decided to stick with them. It’s not a title that you gain. I’m not here to tell you what you should be willing to put up with in order to make your relationship work. What I am saying is, don’t let anyone deceive you into stomaching what you know you don’t deserve all to be labeled as loyal.
After all, who better to be loyal to than you?